1:57 a.m. Where did you go???
1:58 a.m. What are you doing? I want to go home with you, why aren't you responding?
2:11 a.m. Heading back to your place now, will you let me in?
I think I'm going to go home and read The Bible.
Just threw up off a chairlift. my life is now complete.
we found you eating frozen orange juice with a spoon and then drinking vodka from the bottle.
I'm using process of elimination to determine which of our neighbors i fucked last night.
The goblet must only be used for good. And vodka. And anything t-pain would be proud of.
She was covered in mud grabbed my crotch and said see that handprint that means I called dibs
idk, it started getting weird when they were looking up videos of lesbian giraffes
Well at least you learned that cops don't like when you call them frenchy. Nice dive over the fence by the way.
Well it was tamer than the 4th of july when I blew that guy I met walking home from the fireworks
I love THIS fish, the rest of the ocean can go fuck itself. I am ahab and he is my whale
I just laughed at the word pudding. I have no idea whats going on right now.
Um ... did I have a lizard on my shoulder last night at the bar?
i'm not drunk or reckless enough to have you track my every fucking move. I AM AN ADULT
"suitors" is just a nice way of her saying "the guys i'm fucking"
Randomize
