so he just left - touched my cheek like he was gona kiss me and then gave me a fist bump?
he proceeded to punch 3 mailboxes in a row and when i asked him why, he said "because they were talking shit"... i need a new boyfriend. and a new life.
one day I'm really going to regret not using the boners I got in planes and cars
He told me he finished so fast because he's a sprinter. I hate athletes who are really just pussies.
ya, but you'll graduate college with a higher education. I'm looking at at least two addictions, an abortion, and a few weeks jail time.
just chugged some gatorade and threw it up. todays gonna be awesome
I want to be ashamed of the things we do this weekend
I took a few sips of my hugeee bottle of liquid Vicodin and smoked my one hitter and now I'm going thru my attic like Indiana Jones
When I say I took advantage of you when you were drunk, I mean that I convinced you to let me paint cute little panda bears on all of your toenails.
I've discovered the best way to avoid rehab is to not fuck fat chicks when your drunk, therefore delaying regrets and rock bottom
your the Dr. Phil in my life
Today is an unchanging day
Its been 4 years since I have masturbated this hard. God bless the Olympics!
Nobody knows who they are, but they have an ice luge so they are welcome in my book
Also my face is like def lowkey made of silly putty
I'm eating go-gurt and drinking beer alone in the dark. This is why you shouldn't marry young.
he invited me over. we listened to jazz, smoked weed, then cerebrally fucked each other over a three hour game of chess
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