Goodnight my chunky, little, marshmallow muncher
At least make sure they are 18
Why
His dick was so small it sat perched on top of his balls like it was king of his scrotum.
I just found out my favorite drunk show, Repo Men, is just reenactments. I can't express through words my disappointment.
i just entered cocaine into my calorie counter.
I just compared drinking to love. How do these people not know I'm an alcoholic?
I just found my "random bang list for summer of 2012" that I wrote last night.. It's written on a Plan B receipt. If this isn't irony I don't know what is.
Just dodged a state trooper, your weed will be there shortly. Fear the unbustable!
He tried to reenact Braveheart's freedom scream but got tackled by his drunk roommate who thought he was yelling that the handle he was holding up was free.
What was the point of renting a $600 trolley if no one even remembers going to the first bar?
I just text my one night stand Happy Easter on her way home...now would be a good time for the lord to smite me.
If you're signed up as "sober sister" can you do cocaine or nah
His penis is the only thing worth pursuing but all the baggage attached isn't.
i'm not sure you can trust me in a car with 20 dozen donuts
You couldn’t remember the word hand jibber. Instead, your drunk ass offered the bartenders “unlimited hand fritters” if they wouldn’t cut you off.
Randomize
