It was like a Michael Bay sized explosion located in my pussy.
I just saw a neon sign in a bar window that says, "open to Public" but the L is burnt out.
i'd date him for the sole reason that he thanks me after giving him head
i'm in workout clothes. this is progress.
I'll be spending 4/20 on a cruise ship, so i need a babysitter to make sure I don't reenact Titanic
How did I end up in the pool?!
Welcome to ASU
I promised myself in the hospital that I would give up drinking for however long the cast stayed on. Thank god it was only soft tissue and not a fracture.
There should be a company that sends nadgrams. They're like candy grams except the recipient gets kicked in the balls.
Oh my goodness please please please my inner slut needs some pampering, shes getting rusty and nothings worse than a rusty slut
I think mark twain said that originally
Is cereal technically a soup?
Fuck, I'm high.
We got buck wild in our animal onesies last night. You kept ripping off your tail in angry rages.
We can't shop at Hobby Lobby anymore. They don't like Plan B which basically runs through our veins.
When I woke up I had 6 missed calls making sure I was ok and asking if I remember showing my tits to a picture of her baby.
He climbed on the counter and announced it was time for something called The Cocktacular and all the girls immediately left. He cockblocked the entire fraternity!
Well, we went shopping. He bought me starbucks and ate me out in the change room at target. If that isnt the best post covid first date, I don't know what is
Randomize
