My grandmass entire neighborhood is over for dessert and i'm high as fuck...about to make a couple of freshman boys real uncomfortable
Freshman in high school? Just your type
Food network will be on but we won't be watching
O by "watching" I mean "background noise"
Too bad my picture didn't come thru. It was one of me naked riding a unicorn with a wizard hat and a magic staff. And the unicorn had wings. And me too.
please tell me that the half empty jar of cocktail sauce on the table has nothing to do with my missing seamonkeys
Henry's handball, Tiger Wood's Car Crash, Roger Federer losing ... That's it....I'm throwing my Gillete away
I want to get so wasted that I make middle aged irish men look like mormon girls
She had a muffin-top while wearing a one piece bathing suit. Thats gotta break one of newton's laws or something
We didn't even make it to the door before they came out saying we weren't allowed in because of last time..
I drank entirely too much. My skin hurts to wear
It's been this way for a few days. I had chick fil a on Friday so this could be an attack from the Gay Gods as punishment.
He either works for the Irish Mob or I'm being Catfished
I woke up on my girls floor with a pound of muenster cheese in my shirt pocket
Dude. She was wearing nothing but Wonder Woman panties and a flag for a cape and sneaking around leaving PBR's by passed out people for the morning. She called herself the 'Merica Fairy.
Why haven't you proposed already?
You know you hit Mardi Grad bottom when you come to in someone's kitchen on the floor and you are eating gumbo out of a Mixing bowl with a ladle......yeah rock fucking bottom
Drunk. Send nudes. Just curious.
Randomize
