Whenever I'm sad I just imagine if babies were born with mustaches...
were having a shit on karen session at work but then she walked in so we used code names instead and she tried to join in like she knew them
do you think i can make that microwavable cake stuff with vodka instead of water?
you should probably use water
i dont have any
Some dude at the gas station right now is buying a 30 rack of beast and a can of cat food. Happy Thanksgiving.
I'm just saying, margarita tuesday would turn anyone gay.
I mean turning down birthday sex is never the answer
I was giving this guy head and he stopped me to look me in the eyes and say "you have a gift"
Is it socially acceptable to stop at the strip club for the lunch buffet on my way to the airport?
Did you really get 12 corn dogs from the gas station last night?
I'm getting better, this year I only showed up drunk to 1 final.
Hey, so I'm not coming into work til Friday. Some guy I've known for about 8 hours just offered me a free vacation to Maui and bought my plane ticket. He's Aussie so I'm 75% sure he won't murder me
At least is you came to Milwaukee to visit me you'd get the best mind blowing sex of your life and free wifi. Who doesn't want free wifi!
I'm only friends with her because I can't stop watching the train wreck.
...this is why fuck buddies should be only for grownups.
They told him he could only pay in monopoly money and he pulls out a wad of it from his pocket... i think im in love
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