Every perfect package comes with a warning label.
He was sweet. He even warned me that his dick curved, and I quote, "more than a banana."
Oh and you pulled your pants down outside in front of like five people, held my hand, then peed.
Even the bar was yelling boobs, so of course the shirt came off
He wore my sunglasses on his honeymoon..... so there's that.
we're stoned watching those roller coaster simulators w our hands up screaming on our couch
He broke hus nose arm jousting with the traffic cones... We need to make head shots illegal or get helmets or something
She said if her future children dont have blue eyes she wont love them
I'd rather have snapchat than feelings.
I don't know when he had the time to do it but he dug a hole in our basement like the shawshank redemption
I’m literally watching say yes to the dress, eating fancy cheeses with crackers, and I have orange dark chocolates. All of which is being washed down with merlot. And I’m 100% sure a porno is gonna go down next door tonight. They don’t have a car and arrived via taxi. Happy holidays from motel 6 Pendleton Oregon!
Like, I just want a guy who will drop what he's doing to come touch my vagina whenever I want and to leave me the hell alone whenever I want. Is that SO MUCH TO ASK??
you know you need to get laid when: getting wrestled to the ground in a self-defense class turns you on....p.s. this is a booty call
He was calculating the number of ceiling tiles when I was on top it was fucking rain man.
Think he has a gf
Yea that shit doesn’t necessarily stop me
Randomize
