so today I found out that she used to be a he....
are you gonna get a divorce?
And if you don't call me, I will embarrass you publicly with a can of spray cheez.
if every girl in minneapolis isn't pregnant when i get back to the cities i will cry
Just discovered Kim Possible porn. Life is now complete.
if i actually bought condoms for every time i had sex, i could single handedly fix the economy
they night at the roxbarryed us. came out of nowhere,bought us shots, and then the big one licked my hand? we got out of that noise.
At the party. I feel like I just walked into a lifesize blunt.
So topless strobe light beer pong turned into me rugby tackling a bitch to the ground.my tits will never forgive me for sacrificing their majesticness for responsibility
I wanna introduce you to my balls, Thunder and Lightning.
FOund a bunch of old fireworks spring cleaning.
Who is our new insurance provider?
Had a grope session with a girl who looked like my Mom and had the same name as her as well. I think therapy is in order.
Heard you were the one that shit off Jamie's balcony. FYI there is a cabbie down here out for blood
He looked me deeply in the eyes and said "I don't want this to be the last time I see you.. Can I follow you on Instagram"
We probably are going to die. So. Thanks for agreeing to be my Maid of Honor even though I torture you.
Its like he got lessons from Jesus on how to use his tongue. And his dick.
Randomize