He walked into the party with a case on one shoulder and a boom box on the other of course I fucked him
I thought of you this morning when I woke up in a bed with a girl wrapped in duct tape dressed as a coors light can.
Question: should I be considering heels or is this the kind of night where I should plan on falling on my face regardless of my choice of footwear?
Ok how about tonight me and you get laid together. Same girl. Then she signs our dicks.
As weird as it sounds I would totally be down
Never thought I'd say this but the maple syrup flavored vodka probably wasn't our best idea
Some lady just walked up to me in the bar and proclaimed that I looked like a "shady motherfucker." Can't argue with that one.
When the nurse referred to my vag as "your downstairs", I knew I found the perfect Doctors office.
he started frosting cupcakes and licking the mini-spatula realllllly deliberately and i don't know if i'm more attracted to him or the cupcakes
Not only did she fulfill a life long dream of mine of banging in a library, she bought me subway for lunch. I feel like I got the best gold star ever today.
I got laid two nights in a row
And none for Gretchen Wieners...
I'm serenading his dick with my words. I understand how poets get inspiration now.
All I did was call him a fucker when he took my pot. He didn't have to arrest me.
I love that you put so much thought and effort into your nudes
I don't send half assed nudes. Go big or go home.
We were peeing side by side on the riverbank together and I felt like nothing brings you closer than drunken riverbank urinating so I caught her a friendship frog to wipe with since we left the tp in the canoe.
Sexual side note: sushi and cum do not mix well. That is all.
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