What was that guy's name that you dated that wore the leotard?
dude she licked ball and has every Are you afraid of the dark episode on dvd
lock that shit down
I'm done. I'm tired and there's a topless pic of me floating around the nation's largest 3G network.
so whats your words to drink to for the state of the union? mine are 'change' 'fight' and 'you know'.
mine is 'the'.
something had to give and with her weight the coffee table never stood a chance
Chugged a beer while being walked to the bathroom by campus police to pour the beers out.
I'm serious. My alarm label is "BAR TABS" as motivation for me to wake up in the morning and go to work.
Just remember, if we get caught, you're deaf and I don't speak English.
We were so drunk that when I broke the bottom off a pint glass we decided to make it into a candle holder. How does that happen?!
So hungover. I'm getting too old for trolloping around in disco shorts going shot for shot with well behaved underclassmen in an effort to lure them to the dark side of alcoholism and liver failure.
The struggle bus crashed, rolled down a mountain, and went on fire, and I was on it ugh.
My moral compass cannot be waived by two measly bloody Mary's
She is dumping me if she doesn't get a ring by Valentines. So one more month of free sex and it will be back to the right hand.
I just masterbated to the home shopping channel...what have I become...
I passed out while searching "symptoms of narcolepsy"...
Randomize
