Someone just proposed in Subway. Trying not to laugh.
he said I could live with him because I'm cheaper than a dog and don't need a pet deposit. That and I don't piss on the carpet...
It was like riding a jackhammer on a train during an earthquake. THAT amazing.
I put bits of fruit cocktail in the jello shots i made because i knew that they were gonna be the only thing we ate all day
there are some nice people on this island. free ride free pancakes and they even prayed for us when they dropped us off
He got tattooed, peirced, and we're pretty sure he got rufeed by that fat chick. He was like a walking spring break stereotype.
Due to the events of st patties day last year I created a moral and ethical policy so that I won't get kicked out of the bar again. It mostly consists of not wearing pants so then I don't take them off at the bar.. and subsequently get kicked out.
When the cop tells you to leave the pool, does that mean you have to put your bathing suit back on too?
We all have to be good at something. Mine are writing, drinking, fucking and peer pressure.
Trying not to look at her chest is like trying to not hear a fire engine racing by.
Do you think I need to report to HR that the intern and I had butt sex?
I also know you puked in your shoe.
That would explain the note .... I apparently wrote myself an apology note from drunk to sober me .... saying "sorry for the fancy shoe soup" .... ugh I'll never drink again ...
I'm discussing Magic Mike with my mom and totally get why she thinks I'm gay.
The bar brought brought it upon themselves, they played billy joels piano man before closing, it's not our fault the bar isn't a bar anymore, right?
My penis is lonely
So is my ring finger
Randomize
