I am too pretty for them to be this angry at me.
I've drank myself into a smaller pants size. Who ever said alcoholism was unhealthy was mistaken.
My mom's crying. That means it must be Christmas.
should my penis look like a turkey
Just promise me we won't die tonight. I can't have an autopsy report that reads "stomach contents: Tequila and semen."
Ye. Looking like it's about to be one of those mythical responsible weekends
So how much of last night are we going to pretend never happened? Enough to stay friends?
The black hole just entered the party man, I can literally see guys starting to move towards her.
You looked at my sister and yelled at her saying in a couple of years she will be yours
This tiny cat is tiny breathing with her tiny lungs and im having a tiny freak out. Like those lungs have to be super tiny.
Named all the presidents in order between puke sessions while semi conscious so that's a thing I can do now
This is like a walk of shame down memory lane.
My ass is in a myriad of pain right now
Lesson learned - Taco Bell before a long night of BDSM is a BAD idea
I assure you, it was not a Porn Hub Bee Movie parody.
Sex was followed by homemade breadsticks. I waited till after the breadsticks were gone to tell her i had a gf.
Randomize
