My mind said no, but my drink said yes.
just fell over trying to sit on the toliet like a robot.
You were sad because he was "taking it out on the plant"
Im watching him eat cream cheese and hot dog buns.
Well, I now know how many glasses of wine it takes for me to fuck my neighbor.
Please make the clown in the corner stop judging me. I mean he's the one with paint on his face. I don't need him judge judying me.
He sprained his penis one time
He was "naked wrestling" and fell off the couch and landed on his erect penis
I am far too hungover to deal with the fact I can hear you masturbating in the bathroom.
Why can't I live in a world where my only 2 options are rum bikini hot tub party or masturbating?
I fucking, woke up on a couch with a towel as a blanket to someones lion king ringtone.
shes on the ground doing bicycle kicks screaming "is my ass good enough for you now satan" send help
This pedicure right now is the most physical I've been with a guy all month
I know we agreed to cock block each other from now on buttt I WANT this one. I have felt his penis, it is godly, and I am going to have it inside of me, so shut the fuck up and leave.
You should probably come home from vacation now. I make badddd decisions when you're gone.
Nothin much, just sipping warm franzia from a plastic valentines wine glass while wrapped in my Mexican blanket listening to sappy country songs and mourning my lack of a love life. Hbu?
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