Came home to a chalk baord that read:" Think like a rapist." Can't say I'm surpirsed.
The really sad thing is that I actually practiced crawling in my room yesterday in preparation for today
Yeah, I wouldn't mind getting fingered in the corner of a dive bar again.
If eating a cheesesteak naked doesn't make me feel better, then I don't know what will.
posting about faith hill is really not helping you get me into your bed
Having to grow a landing strip to cover the bruises from pole dancing. Thanks for the birthday present, but next time, maybe just a gift card?
Fuck away man. Like 3% of these new people will be back next week. This is the best week of the year to slam bitches at the gym.
Drunk me made out with someone's girlfriend last night, was invited to their place for a semi-threesome, and then walked home at three am. Can't decide if this is better or worse than drunkenly challenging everyone to taekwondo sparring matches...
Hey Kellie. Me putting. My face intebetaeen ut your boobs made my night
Do you have any puffy paint? I want to put "fiesta muthafuckas" on my sombrero but its too much to bedazzle.
Its so bad though\nOur relationship has gotten to the point where im posing nude with a swiffer
Just saw a dude take a shot in the parking lot in his car. Too early in the semester for that
I had a dream last night that I met Diplo. Now I'm just sad
Never ever make a tattoo bet. I now have a shamrock on my dick.
It's next to that place that has cock fighting.
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