so it turns out you can rearrange the letters in "scottsdale" to spell "milf city." who knew?
It wasn't awkward until he started humming the Rocky theme song in the middle of fucking
when did we get so old that our friends started having LEGITIMATE children?
She uses empty wine bottles as book ends. 2 on each side. At least 8 shelves.
So I've been to the library twice so far. Both times were for the atm, and once I was stoned. Junior year is going great.
he said i give him, and i quote, "emotional blue balls"
Freshmen girls are like potato chips you can't have just one.
no im not bringing booze its easy, you just challenge a drunk guy to beer pong, he'll hand you two beers, you lose on purpose, and everyone makes fun of you. but we laugh in the end for bringing nothing to a byob
We found you facedown on his couch in a pile of cheerios, with only one shoe on. Dude you said you were staying in last night.
it is shots o' clock and I am never late
So, I'm about to take my pants off in the Walmart parking lot, when am old lady parks next to me. I'm all the way in the back next to the semis. What the hell?
My philosophy is thug life and that means never having to say your sorry for stealing drinks off tables
Are there rules against fucking your ex's dealer?
All boys are excommunicated from my vagina until further notice.
I've been drunk texting you for weeks, and you watched me puke outside your house... I say it's time we meet in person.
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