I chugged a bottle of robotussein and i ducking saw a blind lady on a purch sewing a shirt! And a tree portal
The worst mistakes make the best memories. Write that down.
Alcoholism comes in two forms... Us.
the arrest was probably divine intervention, cause i think we were heading to an ill-advised threesome.
I can't. I can't get out. He cooked me food. And made me jager bombs. And painted a glow in the dark smilie face on my boobs
Apparently, his doctor was impressed with how well we took care of his leg. We're like the kings of naked triage.
I wish I was a power ranger. Also the universe is immense. Like it never ends. Never.
My tits, and hanging out behind a hotel eating pizza.
The roommate asked me to make sure no one fucked in his room. And then preceded to give only me permission to fuck in his room. Had no idea who I was, just thought I was trustworthy cause I had Edward 40 hands. Felt like a Tarantino movie.
Apparently I'm not allowed to call at 3am anymore and ask to speak to all his siblings. I was just trying to get to know the family
I just had to take a picture of someone whose testicles are bigger than my fists combined. Living the dream.
Sorry I've been a slutty nightmare this week
If I'm gonna have a rotation of guys, I really should stop them leaving boob bruises...
She grinded so hard on my face that I've got rugburn on both eyelids
just realized I'll be in a check out line with just Hershey syrup and condoms. I don't know if I am setting a good image for our generation
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