"Ever since I killed her kid she be actin' shady." Actual quote overheard at Marine World just now. Oh God.
gin and tonic in a mug. no limes so im using canned madarin oragnes. classy or trashy?
homeless.
apparently the officer said last night, "son, why don't you do yourself a favor and spread your legs so you don't keep vomiting on them". why can't I remember those nights?!
my family just sang happy birthday to baby jesus. no ones even drunk yet
i'm sitting pantsless eating potato chips and watching porn before he picks me up for our date. I hope he's ready for this...
You came back with four clearly unattractive women and wanted to throw a dance party in my room.
I think off duty cops drove me home. I may have been hitchhiking
Dude, this guy showed up with a 40 and stayed for two days. I want that lack of responsibility
Just got hit on by a 50 year old Englishman who is now swapping drunken racing stories with my mom. Live Mariachi band in the background. How's that for a wake?
I like how she'll post a picture on Instagram with her boyfriend and 2 hours later you'll send me a snap of her panties on your rear view mirror
I hooked up with a blind guy last night... he's clapping in order to find his way around our apartment
i know it looks like there's pee in the mayo jar in the fridge but i promise it's just apple juice that wouldn't fit in the jug after i added the booze.
Wait, but now I'm curious. In what position were y'all when the cops came? Were you guys butt ass naked in the car? 😂😂
He lit my hand on fire and bought me chicken nuggets. I'm in love.
we've dated a week and made out twice. he is taking it slow. but his body is stupid sexy. just want him to stop respecting me and fuck me like a gutter slut. respect me later im not getting younger.
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