I know, he also has a fancy car to make up for his tiny penis
My first STD was from a foam party
my "about me" section on Facebook should read "hell-bound alcoholic who wants to fuck a 40-year-old crackhead"
so i slept on a park bench last night...no hobo
I think I tried picking up these girls last night by asking them what their favorite color was...I obviously woke up alone
NEWSFLASH - my freind is drunk and admitted that he hates having sex with dogs. should i help him or let him be??
He also left me a wonderful voice mail..... and is now asking me where the planters peanut guy is.
You should probably go find him.
If he eats mayonnaise, he's not getting laid. End of story.
I just foul balled at work. I had taken off my coat too… had to go to the sink wash my hands then go back to the stall and pick up my coat. I hope the guy shitting in the stall next to me didn’t figure out what happened.
Can we end it on a good note at least? Can we fuck and then never talk again?
He might have if you were a little more subtle about your feelings instead of telling everyone multiple times how much you wanted his dick
We were having an argument with his friends mom about whether it was worse that he bootycalled me at 4 a.m. or that I bootycalled him at 12 in the afternoon
I had another sex dream about you but it was very dissatisfying. As you finished you starting singing the star spangled banner. then you left. I was not amused.
Why wake up next to a guy when you can wake up next to a bag of chips and not have to worry about what kind of std you might've caught
I've had 5 hours of sleep and I still smell like sex with the Colonel. I don't appreciate spontaneity.
I had sex with him and I blame the Doritos
Randomize