Houston.. we have a drinking problem..
and that's why he's hiding in the taco suit
I thought I walked in on an orgy of smurfs. Man I love shrooms
She sat on the stairs and yelled sex positions at us. I don't remember if we went along with it but judging by the beer and condoms I'm thinking yes.
Ur gonna wake up early as dick tomorrow to do some responsible shit but im the one up at 3 am right now cooking brats soaked in keystone light so fuck your falling asleep ass bitch
Umm, ya, half our class is sitting in starbucks passing around flasks. Yes, flasks. Plural. Going to join them, we're all giving oral presentations in 20. Go hard or go home.
As I fucked him you stood outside my door screaming, "I'M NOT JUDGING YOU!" over and over.
I was judging you.
This is the point in ur life where u should realize there's nothing left but a spiral of shame
I should but I don't. All I see is an escalator of success
I'll be gone when you wake up but you hit a girl so I knocked you out. Never hit a girl. Unless it's with your penis.
You kept yelling in my face " YOU'RE GONNA HAVE TO SUCK A DICK TONIGHT!"
Me and two guys that I made Eskimo bros all soberly slept together in my bed
My vagina is officially offended.
I just squirted in your honor. It's like pouring one out for the beautiful sex partnership that could have been
Next time I pee on a car, I'll text you.
I'm just now realizing I've slept with guys from three different decades over the past year. That's gotta be some sort of record.
Randomize