Billy Mays is dead too!
Somewhat annoying American icons better be watching their backs
she's basically destroyed all of the faith i had that skinny blond girls could be a functioning part of society.
He's gotten way too comfortable around me. He came into the bathroom and took a shit while I was in the shower.
other girls like to lick balls but none of them live for it like u do
Apple Jack is not a good idea for breakfast. Whiskey can't replace milk.
I wasn't expecting a boner of this magnitude
Well apparently "don't come inside of me" wasn't one of the English phrases he understood! On the bright side... At least he will get his green card for having an american kid!
Also I smoked away my sore throat last night. It's a 420 miracle.
you pushed her into a kiddie pool and knocked out her front teeth... and you still managed to get laid. what. the. fuck.
She asked if i could guess "what shape her carpet was". I got it wrong (christmas tree).
T minus 20 hours until we forget our names, find some city cowboys, and g&t into the night.
damnit. I just found my cousin on tinder.
I've got to stop fucking tourists. If Chicagos piazza is anything like their dicks. I'm moving.
You told me you were trying to learn all the MLB ballparks while you waited for your porn to load.
They just made me take another shot and I found out the liquor store next to my brothers house has a petting zoo
Mind. Blown.
Randomize