i guess. but if i can salvage this and still somehow see you naked i feel like that's a win
If my boyfriend wants to eat his own jizz after masturbating, what does that make him?
I woke up to somebody tossing my salad... I should have drank more
Do you think I threw out my left shoulder during the keg stand or the stripper pole? It's medically relevant my chiropractor wants to know.
this is why ugly people need low self esteem. it stops them from doing shit like this.
Or maybe my penis is just the key to their locked boxes of crazy, and I unleash their wrath upon all of mankind just so I can get my nut off
Nothing screams fatass like a pizza that doesn't fit in your car
Did you seduce any young men into coming home to your love nest of poutine and jäger bombs?
Looks better than the half a blow job I got the other night which I had to finish myself. From a chick I refer to simply as "mom jeans".
GDI YOU HAVE THE GOD OF FUCKING THUNDER'S NUDES AND YOU DIDN'T SHARE
The other day, he sent me a snapchat of his dick in the forest. He captioned it "nature nudes."
She's still here. My penis can feel it.
Dude, I think she left with some dude like an hour ago
FOUND HER. I swear this thing is like a metal-detector
I'm not going to drink anymore, and on that note I'm not going to drink any less either, so I'll see you there. . .
I'm gonna ask his dad. Weed trumps broken heart any day.
He sent me a text saying his breakfast today was leftover mead and some fruit salad
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