Yeah, it was perfect until the end. Apparently women are super attracted to me until the sleeping with part.
Bleh. If he hadn't ascended into heaven and sat at the right hand of the father, Jesus would be rolling over in his grave right now.
I must say your penis is just as photogenic as you
he grabbed my head and said "you are a horse. I am leading you to water" pushed it down and whispered "Drink."
I saw he had me in his phone as "the fat twin"
It was either the harsh truths I was divulging or the liquor..... But either way, I made mom puke
Also. This Ativan makes me feel fearless. I think we need an exciting new hobby for when we take it. How do you feel about ghost hunting?
Some girl dressed in nothing but Wonder Woman underwear and a cape on her ass just started twerking all over us. Remind me why I'd never been to a midnight of Rocky horror before?
We go out, we get drunk, we watch Star Wars, we pass out. What's wrong with this tradition?
She mentions her boyfriend one more time, I'm taking her home and breaking that shit up.
I'm really tired of this guy walking his chicken in my neighborhood.
Fireball goes down like mother's milk. Btw your housemate is naked
Is it something I'm going to want to hug you for or slap you for?
I am at a cat party and I just witnessed people lapping vodka out of a bowl for a contest. Lol
Why are there 17 orders of shrimp lo mein in the bathtub?
Randomize
