Your tits are I can't wait for
If a fat man falls in the shower and nobody is in the apartment, does his pride still hurt? Answer: yes
he told me he wanted to get "words" tattooed on his penis so he could say hes always putting words in my mouth..
i woke up with a grocery list signed by "the people who ate all your shit while you were passed out"
I just remember thinking, if she falls asleep, I'm totally eating that spilled chex mix right off of her.
Good thing it was his birthday because I accidentally grabbed his dick at the bar. A lot.
At what point does "I'm too high to deal with you right now" stop being rude?
they need to invent a card that reads "thanks for all those boners you gave me that you did NOTHING about"
That would be an interesting position... Not entirely certain how that'd work!
Gravity is no match for my libido
So...guess who had sex tied to the ladder of a caboose under the stars in Joshua Tree? This bitch
I just formed the "shit on a tree in Chicago club." And I feel awful about it.
No no this isn't that fun. I'm alone drinking wine and me and the dogs ran out of things to talk about around 9 am.
I took multi-tasking to a new level. I just ate a plate of nachos off my lap while driving to the bar. And I barely got any on me.
I'm totally picking out my shrooming outfit and blankets right now
Dont care about too tired for sex, thank you for leaving your laser pointer. I have now determined both my cats are stupid.
Randomize
