And my dad told him he was a great looking guy. and then added "no homo" after.
hey dude i know youre in the next room but me and your sister need a condom, got any i could borrow?
he opened up his "box of magic": a crusty tube of KY jelly, three expired condoms, a fingertip vibrater, and a jar of marshmallow fluff.
I have bruises everywhere. I think I took "the drinks are strong" as more of a challenge than a warning.
I rolled out of the car, crawled on all fours to the door, did somersaults all the way to my room, and then I ran across the parking lot to tell our neighbor you wanted to bang him. I'm not even sure if it was the right guy.
And literally 4loko margaritas are callin my name. They're like "Hey girl come on over here I'll make you forget about grades and boys and it'll be a good idea to send everyone 55 snapchats of your cleavage" ok
Yeah I went home with her... She had me take off everything but my shirt and from across the room goes, "Now dance. Just dance that dick over here"
This guy smelled his armpits before trying to approach me at the bar
He spent like 5 minutes figuring out how best to position me so I would still be able to watch the game. Maybe there is a benefit to dating a guy who cares about me but doesn't care about my team.
Pretty sure this is the part where you go buy a ring.
we just ate hash browns in a nativity scene with baby jesus
My left boob kept making random appearances last night.
I've fucked him twice and literally had no idea that he's missing a thumb
Still can’t get over the fact that we ate beef jerky off a strip club floor
i feel like if my pee,blood, or vomit is on it...it should belong to me by default. can we make that a rule?
GOD DAMN IT I COULD HAVE HAD A MOTHERFUCKING 3 WAY LAST NIGHT. WHY BOOZE, WHY?!
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