So shortly after drunk sex...she starts crying and saying..." you don't care about me, you never do anything nice for me" so I called her a cab
You asked the officer if he could bring you to the same jail as T.I.
She refers to my dick as princess Sarah... oddly I'm okay with that.
Because the last time i saw or spoke to him he came all over me in a hammock.
I just walked in on my roommates playing baseball with old vegetables and a bigass knife.
I do remember getting hit in the face by an ugly one because she thought I was blowing on her butthole.
I woke up with like grass burns all over my body, i'm pretty sure i made out with someone under a bus. . . but i'm not sure
my head hurts. i need an adult
and not like a cool parent adult. like a full fledged party pooper grandparent adult
As long as I don't spend the half the week passed out/fucked up on Klonopin and no one dies, this will be the best week I've had all semester.
Who knew you could get a drunk in public when jogging with your dog?
think I signed up for a 5k last night while blackout.
my mom called me mid shot and i accidentally answered and kept calling her my own name. somehow i thought that would help the situation.
Hey, don't think you remember me but we met last night. I'm conducting a survey this morning its only one question: Have you seen Rob since 1am?
We watched game of thrones, broke up and I drove away blasting ridin solo while he dougied
There's wine in the fridge here. You could leave school and we could get day drunk.
That's my favorite drunk.
Randomize