hitting rock bottom=girl fakes converting to christianity in order to get out of having sex with you.
my dad just told me that a lesbian kissed my mom at a bar last year
Oh no, it isn't official until she poops.
dude...I wrote 15 jersey shore quotes on her body. she is going to do the walk of shame with snookie on her forehead.
Getting blown during the Cavs game doesn't make it any less depressing.
Thanks for putting pants on me last night. And for calling me a princess.
Is it possible to get a DUI in a wheelchair that's not yours?
Well I found out I was essentially dumped and replaced by a hipster and apparently offered a girl $95 to go out with me. In the spirit of the Olympics I will not be spending any time on the medal stand.
OMG OMG OMG DID YOU KNOW THERE ARE MINI CHOCOLATE COWBOY HATS THAT MEN CAN BUY FOR THEIR PENISES?
You didn't hold all these dicks to become a party planner!
If we don't rescue him from the fat chick soon, she is going to eat him alive and suck the marrow from his bones.
The cat be actin like a 2:30 am poop is the time to tell me all about her thoughts and fears in life. No bitch, this is definitely alone time.
It's rum buckets o'clock
i just woke up to her giving me a toothy BJ so I had to break into your bedroom and steal about 4 condoms. Sorry for waking you. :(
I went 670% over budget on my vacation. My accountant would flip if he weren't me.
How the fuck do you have so much free time?
Polyphasic sleep schedule.
Randomize
