is swine flu sexually transmttd?
Ha no, why?
sriously ive never had a hangovr this bad
peeing is so easy when youre drunk. you just tell your body to pee and it pees.
My favorite part of the day is the 2 seconds of ignorance you have when you first wake up. Right before you remember where your mouth was last night.
the parents are super pissed...made eye contact with the mom while going down on another girl
she sent me pictures of 3 different vaginas and if I could pick which one was hers i could sleep with her.
I was always good at matching as a child.
Meeting relatives from another state drenched in tequila and smelling of weed. I'm gonna kill you for soaking the only bra I brought in Jose Cuervo Gold.
Whiskey and I have a long and stories tradition of excellence
Well you tried to pay for a drink with your keys for one...
Please tell me that is you having sex in my car in my driveway and not a complete stranger.
Gave up on finding an ashtray.... just started flicking it in my purse.
Sometimes I think about the fact that I lost my virginity while watching anime and I wonder what that says about me
I'm terrified that I'm going to have a baby with a guy who posts snapchat stories while ignoring my texts
one nice thing about being home: no walks of shame, just drives of shame
I got subtly pornographic with a lollipop while we were talking and he got flustered and started to blush. If he’s not interested after that I need to turn in my vagina card.
You really do take on your dog's personality she sounded like her pug breathing when we were going at it.
Randomize