Funniest shit happened at the grocery store. This kid kept asking his mom for candy over and over and she told him 'daddy said no' and he screamed 'he isn't my dad' so loud everyone in the store was silent it was awesome.
It's like the water temple from zelda. but with more tits.
apparently i traded the tiffany necklace my mom bought me for 2 shots and next in line for beer pong at the frat.
Its a sad day when your bush has a better set of hair than you do
Look at the bright side...I have an 11 inch penis
All he was doing was sitting in the car, staring. We asked him what was wrong and he just turned, smiled, and said "everything has its own pair of boots"
i accidenteley seduced the christian girl's brother so i dont think we can count on free church picnic food again
His new place is a molesden. Like a hole in the ground. It's frightening how oddly private it is.
It rubs the lotion on it's foreskin...
woke up with empty beer can still duct taped into my fists and the word "dove" written on the back of my neck
Toppless hop-scotch needs to become a competitive sport
Knowing that porn stars want to fall in love is the weirdest thing I've found to be beautiful recently. I'm so lonely.
i spent my Thursday drinking before noon and not wearing pants
My roommate walked in on my inserting a tampon. Somehow, I don't think this will be improving our relationship.
Was picked up in the middle of a bar full of people...apparently I'm not tall enough to reach for drunken makeouts. I'm proud of myself.
I woke up using a beer can as a pillow. successful party?
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