Jack off faster Americas best dance crew is beyonce themed
he kept refering to his penis as the "eternal sunshine"
My teachers should feel privileged to see me this morning, after the amount of alcohol I consumed last night.
I got you a housewarming gift. It starts with "A" and ends with "bottle of Jameson"
I don't know what's worse the the fact he has worn a protective cup for last 3 years in fear of being kicked in the balls. Or the fact that the one day he decides to throw caution to the wind and doesn't wear it and actually gets kicked in the balls.
Who in tha hell do u hang out with?
pretty sure I just came the closest to throwing up in my pants that I'm ever gonna get. I'd like to thank the academy and the hangover thatt I hope actually kills me in the morning.
I'm like a number 27.2 on a scale of 1-10 of how badly I want you right now.
Your lack of a response brings it down to a 25.4.
she got the mcdonald's logo tattooed on her ass. sober. yesterday at noon.
So you're saying you don't want to be with her anymore because she likes sex to much and is just to hot?
Well when you say it that way it makes me sound like an idiot.
You are an idiot.
She left a blunt and poutine on my nightstand with a note saying "went to the gym. be ready for round three when I get back" I love Canadian chicks
wtf I can't believe that bar tender told on me to my mom
Between randomly bursting into tears and the reappearance of my lost sex drive, this break up has left me bizarrely damp.
It figures that the only time one of my videos on Snapchat gets replayed is a video of my Hedonism Bot impression and NOT my nudes
Did you get drunk between now and two texts ago?
I STUDIED GEOGRAPHY I KNOW THIS SHIT!! DON'T YOU DARE QUESTION MY AUTHORITY ON GLACIAL DEPOSITION AGAIN BITCH!!
Randomize