Just ran to the store on my way to the office to buy Diet Coke...the guy in front of me let me cut because it was 4 more minutes until 8am, so he wouldn't be able to purchase his vodka. I love Wisconsin
How long do you need to date somebody until it is acceptable to fart in their presence?
The real question is how long do you need to date them to dutch oven them?
seems the shocker is way more shocking if u get the fingers wrong
hey remember that time we got really drunk, you tried to find narnia in my refrigerator and passed out in the freezer drawer??
no.
Just saw a Mexican guy pushing a stroller with 3 twelve packs of corona in it with a toddler struggling to keep up on foot behind him
I hope my margaritas pass through security.
Just talked to the girl you brought home from the bar last night while she was looking for her panties. She said to tell you "nice try".
Haha im about to meet my shrink &i have so much shit to tell him i made an outline
Just got blown on the bus in front of abot 20 ppl. Lots of high fives.
do you think they make 'sorry for walking in on you drunkenly jacking of to a picture of me' cards?
Bro, if we got a house, it'd basically be a revolving door for slightly overweight, but extra cute, sexually deviant girls with daddy issues.
I've faked every orgasm I've ever had, I think I can fake being sick for 8 hours.
what color bed sheets say meditative warrior but also welcome to my sex dungeon...
navy blue
The fact that you have an answer to that is why we are friends...
I swear my vagina needs to be taken away from me when I drink.
Very mixed signals tonight. He gave me the best handjob while gloating about the Superbowl to his dad on the phone. When he was done he left me on the sofa alone for ten minutes before returning with wet wipes beer and nachos.
Randomize
