I like to think it a success when the cops are called
hey this is lauren, i have to type for jon because he's convinced the tongs he's holding are his real hands
So i told my advisor i had to drop the class bc the prof said "supposably" and "irregardless" within the 1st 10 minutes of the 1st class; she agreed with me that dropping it was the best choice
We can smell you smoking weed from downstairs and your little brother is asking why the upstairs smells like gasoline. Please smoke in the basement. XOXO dad.
I feel like tequila heightens the sense of my nipples.
I thought I would take a shower to wake me up but now I'm naked wet and stoned laying on my bed instead of just stoned laying on my bed
She said, "I don't really go out much, but my husband recently cheated on me" and I don't remember anything after that.
I have now added draft and wells specials that different bars have to my blackberry calendar.. Help me.
I wore water proof eyeliner just incase the first picture of me of 2012 is a mugshot
My sister texted me to say she just found a corn on the cob in her purse from last night. You need to party with us more.
Just cried to my husband about how much I'm going to miss my boyfriend... Maybe marriage is going to work for me after all
Yes dating, but it seems easier to just live in a perpetual state of Netflix, internet porn, and cheese.
COME HERE AND I WILL SUCK YOUR COCK UNDER THE LIGHT OF THIS BEAUTIFUL ELECTRICITY
I can count on one hand the number of good things that happened over the past year.
I just had drunken sex with an eagle scout behind the boy scouts of america building. what has my life come to?!
Randomize
