Hey I never found my wallet but i did find a bag of 14 soft taco supremes
I have your wallet. Trade you for the tacos.
He woke up next to me, said I "wasn't naked enough" and fell back asleep. I proceeded to blow him.
I am trying to figure out how to tell this kid i have a boyfriend in a way that still allows me to smoke free weed
There is no way I'm taking advice from somone who's idea of a balanced diet consists of vodka and lemon detox juice
Where are you and who are these girls passed out on the floor?
and why are they spooning a flamingo?
they traded weed for a spot on our floor. be nice.
Did you know you could bring s cooler of beer to the nail salon?
We pretended the crowd cheering the Thunder's win was cheering for us while we had sex on the couch.
Don't blame me. I told you I didn't know if I had a key to those hancuffs.
The crooked penis I maybe could have looked past...but no foreplay? Deal breaker.
This guy has a theme song for the joints he rolls
Being single/not living at home sucks. All I want is someone I can force to pick up my pizza for me so I don't have to talk to anyone.
I say camping because "let's go get hammered in the woods" sounds kinda fucking weird to be honest.
He wants to buy us a microwave. Clearly the man is going to fix my life.
As for the other mouse...I don't have any mouse traps so I put a Jell-O shot on the ground. Party hard little dude.
I don’t care that he’s a decade younger. He’s cute and I need a good penising
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