he was so hot that i framed the used condom. it's not trash, it's art.
I believe that I finger-banged my way to the top of the corporate ladder.
So Jesus turned water into wine. So what? I once turned a whole student loan into natty light. Your move holy man.
He introduced me to his parents as the girl he made out with on Thursday night...
He just came in my nostril. Never look down when a guy is pulling out during missionary.
I'll wind up on his doorstep with a confused "oh you live here" expression, a feigned ankle injury and a seemingly fortunately placed bottle of tequila. I don't care what it takes: HIS MOUTH WILL BE ON MOUTH.
Almost just got kicked out of a bar because the locals spilled beer everywhere when we taught them to shotgun.
She just made out with a golden retriever. I'm disgusted and turned on all at once
with great strapon comes great responsibility.
Found some boxer briefs on my patio table this morning surrounded by a case worth of empties. Starting to remember why I have rugburn and a sore asshole.
I was going to say "wearing plaid doesn't make you gay, I wear plaid!" but then... heavy sigh
Oh? I just remember dropping coins and trying to give the manager change to let me back into the bar.
I'm just drunk enough to be eating egg rolls on the toilet
One of the guys just came in and goes "i walked all the way home with a pumpkin". Night just got better.
Well, not only did I find out the Top Knight has roof access, I also let a guy I just met eat me out on the roof. Seems like a lot of wins if you ask me.
Randomize
