I have a client coming in and there's a note that says she wants her hair to like Elisabeth Hasselback's from the view
that's Oklahoma for you
Made out with me girlfriend while she was peeing. all time high, or all time low?
Day two of vacation and my first drink of the day is a plan b colada
i carry sandwiches in my pockets more than any normal person should
eating kraft dinner with my face. no forks.
I've been very busy/drunk lately... Sorry.
Guess who left Professor Cunt on their paper by accident?
I dropped my blunt out the window of a moving car by accident, tell me everything will be okay
Our innocent game of 'Duck, duck, booze.' ended up not being so innocent
You tried to bite my nipple like 3 times
NAh son
Just general bites
For whatever reason, whenever she's drunk off Crown, all she wants to do is jerk me off with her feet.
Maybe because you rubbed my clit while we were making churros
My aunt asked how many piercings I had and my mom said seven and I said nine and that's how my family found out I had my nipples pierced.
Kay so its 9 am whose dumbass is gunna act sober to buy pizza rolls
Dude you promised
I no longer have the means to support both a women and an alcohol addiction
Randomize
