his facebook status quotes britney spears so there is always that
haha you were like: "I don't want to uh pressure you.." as you took your own shirt off
I got so many pubes stuck in her braces that when she yanked her head, I cried out like that one girl you "accidentally" rear-ended last week. Bald spots are battle scars.
dude your girlfriend loves you alot..she yelled your name lastnight in bed
Ricky Martin is gay. You owe me $10 from 3rd grade.
We tried to get a ride from the same firefigters that were turning off the fire alarm going off at our house.
They asked if I was about to puke and my response was to laugh and suddenly throw up. Continuing my asshole streak I kept laughing while still vomiting.
We're gonna take a moment of silence to pray... that his penis is as pretty and as talented as his brothers.
'Well you know, stuff happens' isn't really an excuse for sticking a cheeto in my ear
Send me another check for the tickets. I scratched out "anal wax" and now the bank won't take it.
Just took a piss in some random bushes in a traffic jam and had to sprint back to the car. I'm a boss.
Well, you were never considered a shining example of sobriety anyway
I didn't even get crazy off of the coke so everything's fine. Also, I think I might have killed my aunt's dog..
Well, I hope you're having fun. I'm just gonna lay here and wait for death - shouldn't be long now.
We live walking distance from the coors factory. no, we do not have a dry week.
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