There is no way to make a throwing up smiley so just picture it....
Dear drunk me, don't shave my balls til you're sober. My junk looks like a pomeranian with mange.
WTF WHY ARE YOU STILL NOT DOING A BEER BONG?! THE TOILET CLOG CAN WAIT
I have now hooked up with 8 of the Apostles. I have no idea where I'm going to find a guy named Bartholomew.
he handed me my panties in front of my date. turns out he wasn't that mad.
Dong worry about me. I just cashed bottle of wine when I found out he was in town, I'm being dramatic. I'll text you tomorrow when I'm sober and my face stops bleeding
Have you fucked anyone in the hospital yet because obviously this illness isnt worth it unless you do. I MISS YOUR HEALTH
Girl I love you like I've been drinking all day
This is the Santa Claus of hangovers. It just keeps giving.
all we have is white fucking wine this is a travesty it's christmas not a fucking funeral
It's like if you wanna bond just do a ropes course or have group sex you don't have to be weird about it
I just jacked off to nostalgia.
Wait... so you had sex and then your ear drum ruptured? I'm not sure if I want to ask if the two are related...
...this is why fuck buddies should be only for grownups.
NOT PREGNANT according to the two dollar tree pregnancy tests I took in the tacobell bathroom. Come meet me at tacobell for celebratory soft tacos.
Randomize
