i know ur right I'm sorry I'm stupid and incompitent look I can't even spell incompetent right! Fuck!
So I just walked in on one of our neighbors having sex...on our couch.
WHAT?!
He apologized for staining our couch, then asked if he could make me a drink. Pretty sure he was still inside her while we were talking.
Sitting next to a retarded hot married man on the plane, I got 6.5 hrs to homewreck this shit.
Where can I buy a trophy for a Groupie Award?
She had sex with a merch guy. . . band guys make you groupies, Merch guys just means she's easy.
All I heard was "You have collect call from Lafayette Parish Jail for Dude it was awesome! I'll tell you about it later!"
Judging by the crutches in the living room I take it you two are fine and we aren't going out tonight?
... They left for 10 minutes and came back with a lobster he's in the toilet downstairs
The security guard popped his head over the mens room door and goes "nice tits- now get out." Deer in headlights moment right there.
Sorry, fell into some ass. Call you tomorrow.
what do we think the timeline is for when your liver will begin to revolt against your drinking habits?
The moment I was petting the giraffe was the moment I passed out
Homeboy just asked me to strip for him. He should not be this horny and allowed to be in Vegas with his kid.
No, not if I told them not to. they listen to me. I have a vagina.
i may have just googled 'is philly rioting right now'
He tried to eat me out...through my pants.
Randomize
