look no pants
I took off my clothes and she wanted to have sex. But then she changed her mind. So we ended up fucking through her panties or something. I don't know it was weird.
i made the cop pinkie-promise not to arrest me if i failed the breathalizer.
The gay bar tender told me I looked like Prince William. And that I needed my balls licked.
If graduating leads me to stop getting naked at inappropriate times in public places I'm going to be pissed
those were not strange pants with a really large waist band...it took me 3 days to realize I was wearing someone's sweater as pants
Omg. I'm making you a chocolate and "herb" birthday cake and using joints for candles. I'm gunna need moms help with this!
Best thing she said after I kicked her out "rugby guys have single handedly ruined my faith in men"
I found my soulmate. Behold my idiot as we spaz into the sunset.
Yeah but you let me touch your butt. You're clearly the winner.
"We hooked up and in the morning he emailed me his mix tape"
It was a frighteningly large penis to say the least
I've decided to become a librarian so I can drunkenly quote The Mummy and have it be legit.
Already doing pt exercises by picking my margarita up off the night stand. Fuck yeah.
Wtf can everyone stop fucking in my grandma's bed? This is like the third time
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