There is a banner on a house by campus that says "welcome to college dads. Thanks for dropping off your daughters!"
Just printed out my Plan B coupon at the library. Saving my own printer ink and paper as well as 10 dollars towards not being knocked up.
I swear to God, I just heard my guardian angel tell us to stop. I think we should listen.
we knew we'd be okay when we walked up to the dealers house and he asked us to please be quiet as to not wake his nana.
Fuck my life, there's a fry in my vagina.
Wait is it okay if I still want to fuck the whole USA swim team or is that only acceptable during the Olympics?
If I was gonna be at your campus for halloween weekend, I'd dress up as the masked horny fairy and give out condoms. I'm so thoughtful.
Turns out the old man beside me in the waiting room was dead, but other then that it was a good day.
Our sibling relationship has really blossomed into a wonderful mutual acceptance of sluttyness
I snuck out of his room and his roommate stopped me to tell me there was a condom stuck to my back
These last 48 hours have just been about deleting my most recent snap story
I used an emoji to tell him I was pregnant. I should feel bad about that, right?
Ate his Chinese food and drank his beer and played with his chihuahua. All while wrapped in a towel while he was sleep.
you stood in front of the mirror for 20 minutes and finally said, "he can hear everything i'm saying inside my head. we need to leave." now try and tell me there is no such thing as too high.
No way man ... This is real life. Complete sentences and everything.
Randomize
