is it wrong that I prefer my women with low self esteem and a smidgen of an eating disorder?
Just drove past a church with a sign near it that said, "God wants to be your daddy."
I woke up this morning to 7 word documents that all said "remember to be extremely angry at your jerk of a brother." What the hell did you do to me last night?
I had never watched a guy jack off to me before, but let me tell you, it was a very uncomfortable experience.
I keep having to talk dad out of putting tequila in the milkshakes.
Hmmm just stalked him and according to his facebook he wants "whatever he can get." obviously he'd be open to the idea.
He got about halfway through singing "Drift Away" before he passed out and broke my coffee table.
I feel as if the hash cupcakes on top of mushroom chocolates was a little excessive last night
6 beers, 3 orange crushes, & half a fire ball later & you get my alter ego.
On Friday, can we drink like its Civil Wars times and the doctor's coming to saw off our gangreen infected legs?
I'm too old for chlamydia. That's for 20 year olds who go to clubs and do drugs I've never heard of.
Youre having a picnic
Yeah but all we have is vodka, so it's getting a bit out of hand.
I got to my internship late... with a bag of chipotle and sex hair.
I need a hoe opinion
go on
You talk the same way I hallucinate.
Randomize
