We played Rock, Paper, Scissors last night to see who was the least drunk to drive.
The Rock won.
recycled a plan b box. kill a baby. save a tree.
Why do I feel like I'm not the only one drinking to make my night class teacher look better?
i woke up to the sound of my roommate climbing onto my desk mumbling that she was going to bed
I told them I got hit by a car again and now im pretty sure they think im being abused but there was no way in hell the truth was going to fly. Employed people aren't supposed to break their faces in piggy back ride accidents.
oh come on since when have relationships been boundary lines for us
fair point
Taking shots of gin by myself out of TMNT glasses and chasing with bites of chocolate cake. AMERICA.
I just hit myself in the face while taking off my shirt. I could never be a stripper.
How will you ever teach your dogs to pee outside when the biggest puddle on your bedroom carpet is from you?
Still pimpin that dick in the cornfields. Now it's just transferred to the local bar.
I just want a boyfriend who will have sex to Disney Pandora.
I was gonna make a strong case for you to be my midnight kiss, but poptarts sound good too
carb up bitch. we're drinking with football players.
I went to smoke a bowl and realized that my lighter is out and there's still frozen blueberries in my bong... I need to reevaluate my life...
on the bright side i found your panties and the lid to the nutella
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