I just told my parents that Capt'n Crunch does weird things to my mouth... my dad just stared at me
thats the only time ive ever had sloppy firsts
batman tramp stamp. Dibs.
My mom is purposely blasting Shania Twain downstairs so I can't jack off.
On campus. Grown men in women's sexy bee costumes. Complete with legwarmers. This cannot be real life.
ex-cheerleader. ex-gymnast. ex-dancer. i dont even know who to go for tonight
I was expecting a blowjob when she shoved me in the bathroom but instead she shaved my pubes into a mustache for my penis. I am still satisfied.
we drunk the bar out of liquor so the guy was selling us bottles of wine for $2a each. Only good thing to come outta this flood
It is becoming increasingly more likely that my entire halloween costume will be entirely composed of borrowed clothing from the two girls I'm hooking up
I told her shower beers are even better when you have someone in there with you and she said she's been looking for a new drinking buddy. It's a goooooo
I'm over being sad. I'm now onto thinking about all the ways in which he is a total fuckwaste
Like when your most normal sex dream is you being a prostitute, you know it's been one long ass dry spell.
I didn't really understand how big 10 inches is. Now I know.
Remind me to do laundry tomorrow so i have something decent to take off when i get laid.
What you have to understand is that our lives aren't a disappointment so much as they crashed and burned with lethal doses of radiation and dog shit.
Randomize
