I'm going to rape someone's good day.
is it sad that pink shorts and cowboy hats remind me of getting jizz in the hair?
She just squirted all over my face. then laughed at me and took a pic
I haven't been able to trust a girl since spanks came out
I wonder if Barack Obama has ever been this drunk.
I need a second opinion on who's blood is in my car.
How do you set tits on fire ? I swear her tits were on fire.
DON'T LET IAN EAT HIS PEANUT BUTTER!!!
Just remembered that I poured a whole bottle of tylenol in there. It's chunky. It's deadly.
Luckily my prof thought I was puking from nerves and gave me motivational mini speeches the entire final.
Was behind a guy going 20 for 4 miles I'll be there as soon as the universe quits fucking me
Lesson learnt. Sex toy cleaning spray is not an acceptable substitute to clean your glasses with.
It took me three days, but I managed to nearly get arrested on my way out of LA. Made it to the airport. Crisis averted, though. The real crime is, my flight is delayed two hours.
Dude, you got arrested and then texted 911 to tell them you'd been kidnapped with a screenshot of your current location.
I've had more sex since the twins moved in than I'd had in the previous four years. They are the best wingman ever.
Sorry you uh had to see that last night. That's the problem with open fields, no privacy...
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