could you grab mr moo while you're at his apt?
you brought your stuffed animal to a booty call?
Iiiiiii almost fall ib the lake
he sent me this 10 second long video of a gorilla eating a banana on my phone. no explanation. I didn't even have his number. just. a gorilla eating a banana.
i will pay you if you can come get me. he just suggested that we would have a hockey themed wedding.
And on top of all this... he just told me to "chill my nips."
Just hooked up with the fireman who put out the quesadilla fiasco last tuesday.
It's raining. Will need ride home and blow job.
wellllllll.... I literally just puked in my mouth so perhaps this is not the epic love connection I believed it to be 3 minutes ago.
Congrats. You made me have an orgasm in Starbucks.
Woke up with champagne in my hair and honey mustard on my hands. Strangely, I'm okau with this
You took all of your clothes off and tried to seduce me and while trying to seduce me you decided you were too drunk and passed out.
No, not if I told them not to. they listen to me. I have a vagina.
um care to explain the stolen chinchila under greg's bed..i'd be fine with it if it wasnt chewing up the stash
My brother is coming home and he is bringing a whole bunch of friends with him. I am making him a cake. What should i put on it?
"Open for business" or "I have condoms" would probably work
Alcohol and I aren't friends right now.
Randomize
