rough night. sneezed a watermelon seed this morning and apparently I drunk dialed my boss for a ride home. twice.
I don't know how to say this, but I think you're a fucking bitch and the sooner you die I'll be happier.
Sorry- wrong number! :)
I had one margarita and got the worst headache of my life... its like my liver has senior week ptsd
my fraternity brothers just had an intervention for me. i either have a problem or am just on some next-level shit, im gonna go with door number 2
His wife made me pancakes and let me borrow a clean shirt. Should I drop his class or use this to my advantage
So, we estimated there is at least 40 pounds of boob in our house.
Drunk yoga at 11 am turned into me sitting on the couch making fun of the girl in the instructional video. By the way, what the fuck is a third eye?
Please tell me you aren't concussed from dancing on the stripper pole
Dying on my bathroom floor at 7 am, I would rather be eaten by a shark right now
I'm smoking a bowl with matches and a candle while my mother washes dishes downstairs. I thought adulthood was supposed to be different.
Apparently she almost had an affair at Outback Steakhouse, details to follow when I get home but the apple really doesn't fall far from the tree
That's it. I'm moving to LA & sitting on his face.
I just realized I'm having shark week, during shark week.
Fuck you i've put so many pretzels in her shirt
Yo did you say we are blacking out saturday night and playing dodgeball?
Yeah for relay for life. Its for cancer
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