If a fat man falls in the shower and nobody is in the apartment, does his pride still hurt? Answer: yes
he's a nude model. what could you have done to make him feel awkward??
Is it possible to make a milkshake in a martini shaker or am I gonna need a blender?
All I wanna do is sit in water and get drunk. The only thing more American is giving birth to eagles.
I spit up blood this morning
That's vegas.
I went back up to the apartment to get her phone and when I came back she was peeing on the sidewalk
and the award for most disgusting thing ever done on my couch now officially goes to you! Congratulations, you won the couch...I can't even look at it anymore.
I think u should go home and go to bed. If u get arrested in the Ohio river u go to jail in Kentucky. Nobody wants to go to jail in KY.
The bartender asked if I wanted a to-go cup for my crown and coke.....I just realized I'm back in Montana and fuck did I miss home.
Its not that hard, just find a girl reading 50 shades of grey and point her my way
U thinks that's bad? He told me that he had to envision high school wrestling in order to bust a nut with some girl
It is completely possible to eat beef jerky sexually.
exhale infront of a fan. self shotgun.
Yeah i just finished watching someone play ping pong with his penis it didn't fully register until after a few seconds
I think I achieved my goal of being high for 24 hours in the same week I promised myself I wouldn't smoke anymore
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