Hey, go out with us like you promised. You're younger than us and should be able to handle your coke problem with grace.
I would have done the walk of shame but I couldnt walk
You remember correctly you did get a golf cart ride out but it wasnt because you were special. You were so smashed you were screaming tiger at random golfers in the middle of there backswing.
um i just went through the in-n-out drive thru and meant to ask for my cheeseburger animal style. turns out what i actually said was, can i get that cheeseburger doggy style? been a rough weekend.
i just walked into thanksgiving and three people in a row asked me who i was. really?
So I came home baked last night and made about 60% of my jeans into jorts...
I just want a box on franzia all to myself. Just me, my wine, my tears, & my self loathing.
I may be a little fuzzy on this, but I think at some point I said something about being a generous lover.
I have 20 seconds to get my life together and look presentable.
You look cute and you are awesome. And that means something coming from a judgmental bitch
Everyone else in class agrees the weed smell is coming from me
AT THIS RATE YOU WILL HAVE FUCKED MORE OF MY CLOSE FRIENDS THAN I HAVE PEOPLE PERIOD BY VALENTINE'S DAY.
According to my snapchat story, I tore a fake wig off a security guard and ran away with it.
Judging from the sharpie on my face, glitter on my chest and women's tiger print panties i'm wearing last night was a thing.
right after that u started calling me g-force and started trying to bellyslide down his drive way
Randomize
