trying to fathom saturday night and the fact that Rainn Wilson now hates me. my brain hurts.
ok please explain why some one shaved half of my pubes?
So, apparently, "i expected your penis to be bigger" isn't good pillow talk.
I'm sitting by myself in my bra eating a waffle and drinking pineapple rum. gamedaaaayyyyyyy
Took an impromptu nap on the floor of a starbucks bathroom using my backpack as a pillow. Please tell me you have been this hungover
Trying to grind with crutches was not a success
got my wristband ripped off, was told i can only be served water. please find me, i'll be running through the fountain
Taking Gomer to the ER. He tore something trying to stretch his nutsack enough to put his balls in his own ass. I need new friends.
He's living a porn movie. He's slept with a waitress at her work for lunch, a bar tender at the bar that night, and the cleaning lady the next morning.
I could teach a class on "expressing your thanks through photos taken of yourself in the shower"
He started making out with my boobs. I didn't know whether to be proud of my boobs or ashamed of my mouth.
things i am: 1) still drunk 2) still wearing my leopard onesie 3) still gonna make my 9am lecture despite the odds CAN I GET A HIGH FIVE
It's difficult to focus on bonds when you know your classmate peed in your mouth
It’s the biggest dick I’ve ever seen. His IQ drops 25 points when he’s hard because there’s no blood going to his brain
Her oh Gods turned into oh god I shouldn't be doing this I'm engaged.
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