im never drinking mad dog again and i have your belt.
it hurts more in the daytime
im having a threesome with these popsicles
I didn't black out, the guy in the Men In Black costume erased my memory
Speaking of morons, I just found half a Subway sandwich in the bathroom drawer You or your brother?
He picked up a chick with a line about the price of used cars in Sri Lanka and developing economies. Step it up.
Wait, whatever happened to locking our vaginas in closets?
He's scared I want a relationship? How does texting him at three am and sleeping with four of my exes symbolize that?
I just stood still on a stair at the train station expecting it to go down automatically like an escalator... Today's going to be a good day
Told him my main goal was to seduce the man and convince him to leave his wife for me. He didn't argue just asked me to let him know if I succeeded so he didn't waste anymore time not sleeping with the secretary at his office. I have an incredible boyfriend.
dude the dog literally grabbed the condom out of the trash can and threw it in the air i'm screaming
I'm really excited to meet your new dude! But we really need to find out if he's your cousin first.
we thought it would be safer to lock you in the car alone downtown than take you back home to pass out
I don't know, all I remember is waking up at 4 in the morning to him going down on me.
Not gonna make it. His stripper neighbors are playing a Super Bowl drinking game that involves removing my clothes
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