the last time I saw her she was leaving the mens bathroom and club rush with her dress inside out. typical tease.
im surounded by vag. Like smog aound LA, i am suffocating in an atmosphere of pussy
Last night I fell down in the street (I think in someone's vomit), cut my knee up, lost my moms necklace and my license, and had to walk back to the hotel.
Sometimes, dog treats look like people treats.
I'm seriously so bored I'm seeing how many rooms I can masturbate in before I get caught.
Four. Poor grandma...
thats the last time i clean cum out of my retainer.
No one will ever love me with the amount of puke on my hand
i swear, about 40% of my drunken life is spent having sex with him.
You will never be paid again to get drunk and tell off cops without being arrested. Once in a lifetime opportunity
You're right. Fuck my job. I'm in.
Apparently while fucking a girl in the ass last night I cracked a molar, trying to find a dentist now.
I'm trying to be all porn star and he's making it all The Notebook
He couldn't get his dick hard. So he started yelling at it. " EVERYONE is laughing at you, you piece of shit no wonder you can't get pussy" i wonder if that happens frequently I'll try again next weekend
Take your time. I'm mowing the lawn. In the dark. Drunk.
Why the fuck is there a goat in the kitchen
Nothing says girls night like wine cheese and pregnancy tests 😂
Randomize
