I think taking a nice shit is a lot more satisfying than an orgasm. This is probably why I'm single.
All semester I have been trying to figure out if this kid in front of me is gay. His cell phone just went off with Britney's "Circus". Case closed.
we're making bets on your personal life
i probably shouldve stopped when i uncurled the curly straw in my cocktail because it was slowing me down
He threw up in the campfire, the alcohol in his puke caught on fire. Im marrying this man
Dude she's famous. She's on an episode of campus pd. Can't not fuck her
I still havent gotten an apartment yet, so I crash random college parties...get so drunk and then sleep on their couch
GOOD NEWS I CAN BRING THE VODKA IN MY LUGGAGE
My 12 o'clock class is an all star team of my ex's hook ups
The hair on my legs is officially flapping in the breeze when I walk. I must say, being single does have perks and this is one of them.
Appreciate the offer but I'm a huge fan of penis
So, if you eat too many protein bars, you will shit your pants. This I learnt today..... at work.
Drunk him got in a fight with his wife he literally bought a plane ticket and flew to Hawaii. He just called me and asked why I let it happen. From Hawaii hahaha.
Facebook: “Hey you fucked on a diving board, you should probably should wish him a happy birthday”
like I'd leave you in a situation like that..pfft. what kinda friend do you think I am?
...a stoned one.
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