this is a mass text: i just made a grilled cheese with an iron and pasta with the coffeemaker in the hotel room. bow before your new god.
I'm listening to bach and watching porn,is that a sign of depression?
Quite the contrary. Sophistication.
you know it's time to start studying when you've procrastinated to the point where you're reading your roommate's ex-boyfriend's wall posts from 2006.
Everything was good until you pulled the bartenders hair because she cut you off
Swear to god this chicks brother got let out of jail for the weekend for the sole purpose of cock blocking me
Omg! I'm gonna have a heat stroke. I'm going to collect my sweat and drink it for a buzz and hydration purposes
I made him leave at 3am, he texted me a couple minutes later and said the elevator was broken and he was sleeping in there, but he said I was worth it so I don't feel guilty
Overdraft my account again. Parents are starting to ask questions. What would go over better a gambling or drug addiction??
Taco Bell drive through. Chick got out of the car in front of us and threw up on the hood of my car!
Not okay.
My day may involve a drug pinata. I LOVE MY LIFE.
I worked so hard to shave everything last night. EVERYTHING. He WILL be answering my phone calls. Otherwise he's passing up awesome random birthday sex.
I had a drink called "the white nun." It tasted like Marshmallows, and celibacy.
There is a midget in cheetah face paint on a leash here
I don't know what's worse the fact that I woke up with a clit piercing or the fact that I didn't pay for it.
YO. MCGRIDDLES.
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