When I woke up his cat was sleeping on my face and i had scratch marks on my neck. not happy.
only room for one pussy in that bed.
I think i just called up my ex and talked to her for 20 minutes about frogs and how happy i am to be wearing shorts
I don't know what I could have possibly done in a past life to deserve watching my boyfriend projectile vomit margaritas and probs blood while completely naked.
you tried to tell me that ice cream had no calories because they were "frozen"
: am i supposed to send the mass text 'merry christmas!' to my booty calls too?
from now on when you get up to pee in the middle of the night, check to see if im sleeping in your parking lot.
i do.
Just stuffed an entire cupcake in my mouth after finishing third glass of wine. Valentines day is pretty much going how i expected it.
It's a special occasion. Hence the 151.
i think he was starting go for a boob grab when we both realized the middle of a public tennis court wasn't the place
THIS IS THE EMERGENCY BOOZE SYSTEM. I AM EN ROUTE TO DEWITT WITH A FIFTH OF TEQUILA. THIS IS NOT A TEST
I think I should just accept my destiny that I'm going to be someone's second wife
My tits sealed my fate
you were telling us about the time you had sex in an alley and he stopped, looked up and said 'it was a cul-de-sac' and went right back to what he was doing.
You know how I said I'd never worry about my roommate? Well I just walked in on her masturbating to Star Trek.
Did she boldly cum where no one has cum before?
I am just saying if Clark Kent walks into your life, you fuck him
Come on in and take your pants off
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