I'll buy you a vibrator, we can get married for tax benefits, and live happily ever after with lots of doggggs.
Banging your ex-girlfriends best friend 3 days after you break up is like saying "fuck you" with feeling. I wouldnt have it any other way.
I knew we should have skipped class earlier, my lab partner is drunk from last night and making up his own experiments.
when i came out to my mom, it was over brunch. i was eating a banana. not exactly my smartest breakfast choice.
Please don't ever try giving my cat a hair cut ever ever again
YOU STOLE THE WEDDING CAKE?!?!
Only one tier
Tastes like cardboard anyway
If he survived pride he can survive a gay bar
Nevermind, there are three drinks waiting at the bar for me. I cannot disappoint this alcohol.
Made it just outside my dorm and yack on the front dirt. Wave to a dad thats staring, continue on my way.
It's gotten to the point that when I close my eyes to cum all I see is candy crush
just pleasured myself to USA hockey beating Russia in the shoot out. god bless America.
Just spent 10 minutes washing away my own puke. This gas station lady loves me.
Come to this bar
But I'm full of food.
MAKE ME FULL OF YOUR DICK
Made it to the top o the stairs ALIVE YES FUCJ YOU GRAVITY
it will be a surprise...all I can say is stripper clown.
Randomize
