He asked me if I "almost moaned"
this girl ate taco bell on my bed naked last night, it was the sexiest thing ive ever seen
Coffee is gods way of saying go ahead, get absolutly trashed on weeknights, I got your back
I sold my books for weed money!
Finals don't start for a week...
i just uploaded pictures of my nephew, and you & d puking in the same toilet. i think i should keep them in the same album. show my nephew what he has to look forward to.
I have too much pride to pick his chest hair out of my mouth again
broke the door off of my fridge tryin to have a indoor rodeo
I have the Everlasting Gobstopper of boners right now. It's kinda like a gift from god, but I don't want to spend anymore time with this girl than I have to.
Charles Darwin would shit his pants if he saw that we managed to survive that weekend.
Would it be considered cannibalistic if I wanted to eat off his bacon tattoo?
Until they make a bed that bathes you in your sleep, I will not be satisfied.
wow thanks for pushing me towards an older man
you gotta start somewhere if you're going to be a trophy wife
Also... I'm unsure what to do with my face while someone is choking me during sex. Like I feel like its hard to look flattering.
Also topless tea is a thing that happens in our apartment. Ready yourself.
I found a bar with Metallica and a fire eater. I'm home
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