we had that weird still in bed morning after conversation. Her dad is the vp of my company.
exactly what part of this weekend seemed like a good idea?
I sometimes forget that turkeys are alive even when its not Thanksgiving.
he tried to make a toast, but hit the moving ceiling fan with his beer instead
just got booed by the entire restaurant.
I WILL STOP HOOKING UP WITH GUYS EX'S FOR REVENGE. I WILL STOP HOOKING UP WITH GUYS EX'S FOR REVENGE. I WILL STOP HOOKING UP WITH GUYS EX'S FOR REVENGE.
I woke up covered in sausage cart mustard and champagne
I'll just have to do enough fangirling for the both of us. Nipples engaged.
WHY DIDN'T YOU INVITE ME TO RUN THROUGH TACO BELL'S SPRINKLERS AT 4AM?!
Well would you like to come over anyway? I will be wearing sweatpants and disappointment. Also, I have Jack Daniels and I've managed to get drunk in under half an hour. But my boobs look awesome.
You were my sober police. You had one job and you failed miserably.
I'm a corrupt cop.
The guy that stalks me just looked out his window and saw me in his neighbor's hot tub. Get your shit ready the fraternity wars are starting.
It's not even 8 pm, or Saint Patrick's Day, and Kevin is drunk on my roof humping the air
I woke up completely naked in a mint condition 71 chevelle in someones garage. What.
I am afraid of asking him for his new number so I continue to text the one that's no longer in service.
Randomize
