I just watched Juno. I kind of wish I was in highschool and pregnant
Pat told us he showed us his penis because he's "a nice guy".
we're all still whores. we just have a theme song now.
I just followed a trail of feathers and glitter to class. Today better be fucking magical.
Did we both pass out talking about cake last night?
The puppy is a lightweight. 3 beers and he's passed out on the floor already. I repeat, the puppy is a lightweight.
oh dont worry, my liver will give out way before i get skin cancer
Dude. When are you coming home? I'm laying in bed watching the Grinch and trying to pet a cat that I'm not even sure exists.
Just smoked the bong while taking a dump. I love living by myself.
How was my night? He had a picture of his mom on his night stand and he yelled "Papi like" when he came. Fuck tequila.
This is why you arnt allowed in pet stores
He lured me round with the prospect of sex and then made me proofread his CV and spoon. I fucking hate this guy.
Your dad was just slow dancing with the priest and holding a beer. Classic
Do you think it would be okay if i cleaned my cartilage piercing with the leftover vodka?
be the chaos you wish to see in the world...
i'm trying to figure out how to respond to that in text
Randomize
