So, I'm pretty sure I just jacked off and my gf 17 m/o son caught me. IDK how long he was standing in the crib, but he definately saw the grand finale.
Idk man, it felt like my skin was a suit and I could feel it zipping up my side and up to my mouth. And then my head felt like a ventriloquist dummy's head, with the jaw thing..it was freaky, dude
You think that's a metaphor for anything, champ?
Shut the hell up.
i realized really quickly that drinking a bottle of vodka and 3 crystal light packets wasn't the best idea i've ever had
MTV Made just made me cry. Where have all of my life goals gone?
Wella between the drunkards, the inevitable slutty costumes, and someone doing a BODY SHOT OFF A PREGNANT GIRL, i lost my halloween spirit. Bah humbug.
is it possible that there's a used condom holding pennies in my bra? I'm so confused on what happened last night...
While I faked being asleep, he literally prayed to God out loud, asking for forgiveness for losing his virginity before marriage.
I found his retainer in my ass crack. It smells like shame.
Solid teamwork gives us a good shout of both bringing home trophy cougs
So coach him. No guy wants to admit being unsure of something in bed. It's a man-law or something.
Taking a shit on the side of the road is not how I imagined this morning would start.
He hasn't responded in 6 hours and the last thing he sent me was a picture of 7 grams of coke. I'm getting kinda worried
I'm on day 4 of clean eating. I call it the "whore by June" program
Seriously, it's 5am. STOP CREEPIN and START SLEEPIN!
STOP PUTTING PICTURES OF JONAH HILL IN MY KITCHEN CABINETS!
Randomize
