Sign #1 this conference will suck: Ice breaker question, how many proud virgins do we have in the room, overwhelming response. Looks like I'm not getting laid this weekend.
Graduating is kinda bittersweet. Now I'm gonna have to find another excuse to day-drink and sleep until 3pm besides "I'm in college."
She was crying, alone at a college bar. It would have been rude NOT to try and show my penis to her.
Oh boy...do i want the 'something you can tell your mom in 10 yrs' version or the 'Im gonna call you a whore but be proud' version?
i looked at my phone & had a message that said "tell your friend she needs to clean my livingroom, i dont appreciate her trying to turn it into a bubblebath." I give you probs.
She is watching her grandpa for the day and the dude just whipped it out and started jerking off while watching the View.
Relationships are fuckin' work. And you can't just up and leave with no questions when you really just need to get home because you're about to shit your pants.
You're so wise.
There's s woman at the corner of the bar dancing by herself in her seat and making eye contact with me. Please hurry.
Had a guy offer me a shot. But he wimped out when I asked for tequila and instead ordered gummi bear shots. I don't think he has balls. I didn't stick around to find out.
So I found out me and this guy I was drinking beer with tonight both got lactated on by the same stripper. We're milk brothers.
My body is telling me there was tequila. My pictures say it was Jeff's fault
Welcome to the club of "Sick of cleaning up actual shit." We meet on the 3rd Sunday of each month. Bring your ceremonial viking helmet.
I'm 22 and I'm drinking hawaiian punch from a sippy cup. Everything is right in the world.
I walked over and you were apologizing to him because you're lady gaga and he's not. The best part was that he forgave you.
Someone made a Christmas song to the Flintstones theme and I'm suing for emotional distress.
Randomize
