My toast was "here's to being positive, and testing negative... Cheers!"... after that chick gagged on her shot, everyone knew.... slut.
Only at my house do scrabble games turn into fist fights. I won though... the fight not the board game.
Just found the bucket list I wrote when I was high...somehow I dont think "jello swimming pool" is gonna happen.
How long is it safe to eat only Hot Pockets and Popsicles?
Did he make you just lay your head next to his cock and talk to it again?
I need to find my pants, a way out of here, and a cheeseburger.
Like lay upon bear skin rugs, drink brandy and reminisce of the yesteryear's before a majestic fire place? Because those are my plans.
so far, I've observed him try to hit on 3 girls, 1 guy and a bar stool. Humanity is amazing from a sober point of view.
Queso dip and pictures of Daniel's penis. It's like the last days of Rome over here.
Whatever it's Canadian jail, it's not like Guatemala or something. It'll be nice and cushy and they'll probably throw him a big bday party with all his friends and strippers
You know, I think when I have a lot of free time, thats when I pick up odd lovers. Maybe keeping busy is key to not using my vagina
I just don't wanna be that girl with no ride and no pants
Let's make this a nightly thing. You'll explain the Watergate scandal like you're telling me a bedtime story while I eat popcorn high as fuck
she brought her phone charger to the bar this bitch is ready to drink
No one can touch me, I'm made of fruit.
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