Turns out I'm a social drinker... I just happen to be REALLY social.
How did I get so drunk? We had to fish that girl out of the Goodwill Donation Box.
Don't go all Obama on me. George Bush this decision and just do it. Thinking's for the morning after
I jsut got pulled over and passed the sobritaty test.
Good thing spelling doesn't count.
he let me duct tape his mouth because i said it was my fetish, i really just wanted him to shut up
I know you don't remember, but the teeth marks on my face say it happened.
My lips are sealed. Both pairs.
the campus cop used the word depravity in our citation.
This old guy just saw me toking on my bubbler before I go to the dentist. He gave me the nod.
I dont know about you but I'm not getting out of bed this summer for anything but food or sex
We decided it was acceptable to walk out of class on a quest for Doritos. That high.
After last night, I think I need a service animal to monitor the life choices I make when I'm inebriated. A monkey, or a clever dog. Or a really assertive parrot.
Drunk me started making nachos apparently but never got to the part with the cheese. There are chips everywhere
He asked me if I've ever had my ass ate and there was no polite way to say yeah your brother's pretty in to that 😂 I went with "no"
She’s the kind of asshole whose face I want to put on a T-shirt just so I can go outside and burn it.
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