I woke up wearing no shirt sleeping next to a half-eaten grilled cheese.
Well did you call the grilled cheese yet? Or r u waiting the usual 3 days?
and by charming I mean he has a horse cock.
everyone who works at gamestop is basically destined to live with their parents for the rest of their lives... so i said no.
I want to apologize in advance in the event I put my boobs in your face
Do you remember unrolling paper towels as a blanket?
Dude, its flawless. what could go wrong?
Jail. That could go wrong.
Oh trust me, i am. It's like magic, but instead of rabbits and doves its orgasms- He just keeps pulling them out of nowhere.
I was busy. But now I'm about to consume alcohol and chicken. We shall see where this takes us. Maybe to the moon, maybe to the floor. I have no idea.
That is was cool to fuck the single mother accross the street until every girl i bring home gets the car keyed.
So I spent all night thinking my bed was floating down a river and telling the cats to get on the bed because they were going to float away. Percocet is strong shit.
I'm so drunk. Remember me this way.
I can't believe the police had to bring me to my booty call last night
just saw two eagle scouts making out in chic-fil-a
Dude, he came to our house with a beer can in his hand dressed up in a chicken suit screaming, "free eggs!" then threw up and passed out in the front yard.
They want a bedroom just for their cats. And you thought we were gay.
Randomize
