What happened to our ballroom dancing plans
So I was talking to her on the phone last night and had to mute it so I could take a crap.
Side Note: My mute button doesn't work.
last night was the icing on my 3 week vodka binge cake
i tried slipping money on her dresser whenever she brings guys home hoping she'll start to question her goals in life... i think its only encouraging her
Is there a nice way to say "I like you, but I hate your dick?"
My brain is officially off for summer until late august. If that guy wants to fuck me, he better do it soon.
She liked every single Facebook status in her newsfeed and then made her status 'I LIKE U GUYS'
Most likely. calling 911 isnt usually something i do the first time i hang out w. someone, but hey. its a good story now.
The drunk fake out is her specialty. She'll agree to come with us and two seconds later we check to make sure she's still there and we see her booking it down the hall in the opposite direction.
You strapped the bucket of KFC into the carseat and refused to let me drive over 20 miles per hour the whole ride home. That high.
He FaceTimed me fucking his new girlfriend. He was wearing a banana costume.
How are you feeling?
I mean, shattered dignity aside, not bad.
I think one make out session at a bar per year is probably the best choice.
If your talking about a poncho I WANT ONE
I’ve got full Covid immunity, blonde hair and great tits! I’m basically unstoppable
Randomize
