If it makes you feel better he went down on me when i had a yeast infection.
I'm pretty sure my penis yawned halfway through. That loose.
Let's just cut to the chase. I'm not interested in anything romantic but I aAM interested in Tom Petty and maybe getting high and fucking you again for old times sake.
I'm standing in line at the liquor store and they're making popcorn.
Parents said they were cutting off my AmEx card. So I immediately went up to the liquor store and purchased $550 of booze before it was canceled. I'm expecting your arrival in 30 minutes.
Dear America, sometimes I miss your Everclear and its consequences.
You were making out with a freshman and said you wanted to back to his place. Then when you got to the door to leave you said "never mind." He sad it wasn't fair and you got all serious and told him "welcome to the real world kid."
He's holding a pee stick. Yes it's weird.
One last thing: he lists glow sticks and tacos as things he can't live without. How would we not be friends??
I mean, I would have, but I couldn't come up with a logical reason to bring up oral sex during an orientation.
A huge penis doesn't warm the soul. Or that's what I've had to tell myself.
I'm only bisexual one week out of the month. Nothing like ovulation hormones to make the genders of my hookups seem completely irrelevant.
At least you didn't have a hemorroid rupture while banging
You're so sweet in the most vulgar ways
i woke up half naked on someone's pool lounge chair in a house that i don't know, with someone's phone number scrawled on my stomach. why do i hang out with you again??
You just listed two reasons.
Randomize
