I was just about to go down on her when she gave herself a "smell check" and said "no, not today".
I told her i was enlisting in the air force tomorrow.....it was like the activation code to her vagina
Literally 6000 elephants in my backyard.
Pray the makeout fairy visits me this weekend.
I gave the naked guy in the hotel hall a pop tart. He stopped crying.
Today I learned you can't titshake with a corset on.
She tried to escape and she fell and hit the door. She's gunna freak when she wakes up with only half a tooth.
I'm also glad were at the point in our friendship where my vagina talking to you isn't weird
That just sounds like a recipe for sex in my backyard. Yes.
Apparently all year they've been using me as a standard of drunkenness
2012 needs to end already. I've exceeded my quota for People Who Have Accidentally Seen My Tits.
You started crawling towards a moving train. Maybe you should take it easy next time
Did you know that pizza hut has a wedding proposal box? And sorry for being kinda drunk yesterday when you got here
And, omg, my eyelids are on fire. I think the internet let me down. :(
where are you guys?
stoned at his house watching water boil
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