I dreamt Michael Jackson dropped his pants in front of me and I had to ignore it.
wow. When I'm done with him he's going to have to pop his collar in necessity and not just douchery
I just saw a guy masturbating vigorously at the bus stop across from del taco at 2:30am...im pretty sure he wasn't even homeless
im just going to superglue mistletoe to my forehead and see what happens
my hippie aunt just sent me some brownies with a note saying not to eat them under any circumstances until finals are over. excited.
just got double teamed by two guys I will be on beach patrol with this summer. six months until the season starts and I'm already 'that girl.'
Shit, I may have left some acid in your bathroom last night. Has he been in there lately.
His apology was sex and a subway sandwich. Strangely, I'm okay with that.
I can feel my moral fiber fraying.
dude to be honest with you there is a used condom that ive just left on my floor for three days
you have got to get your shit together
Sad fact: I'm doing that thing where I'm bored so I give myself Princess Leia hair and drink alcohol.
and then I drunkenly screamed, "you can ride that Uber all the way to revenge city!"
which was funny until I realized I paid for my enemy's cab to go fuck my ex
HAPPY BIRTHDAY I ATE TOO MUCH OF AN EDIBLE AND TOLD MY BARISTA I LOVED HER
So, I gotta figure when the nurses at the emergency room noticed my new hair cut it means I'm there too often, right?
I just bought two 8 Balls of Coke from the chick nurse that stitched my leg together in the ER after my bike accident last summer.
Randomize
