this isnt the person you just texted but i have her phone. she disappeared when the bacon came home and she hasn't returned since.
It's nice to sit in the library and see the progression from freshman pledge to 6th year coke addict all at one table. Gotta love sororities
So from the residue on my balls I think it was mashed potatoes she had in her mouth
Whats the count minus fat chicks?
In the middle of fucking me, she said "Hold on, I need my Hulk hands."
Some random walked into our tent, woke her up and said "Harry Potter must not go back to Hogwarts!"
WHY does every guy I sleep with want to fix my car?!
I found his belly button lint in my hair. Can't say it was worth it.
He got a new tattoo in prison. It's actually a good tattoo, making it that much harder for me to hold out until he's off house arrest.
I got inside last night via doggy door
My liver appreciates your vow of avoiding matrimony
He fed me Girl Scout cookies while I was still tied up...what did I do right?
I don't want to be drunk any more. Can you hit the off switch?
I just remembered how you stole the slinky from me. Bitch, I will NEVER forgive you.
Fuck this virus. We’re finally back on campus but the bars suck parties are banned sports are canceled we eat in our rooms and can’t fucking hangout with anyone. I’m tired of virtual classes and involuntary celibacy
OMG IKR! It’s not college unless we’re puking in a toilet wondering if we’re pregnant or just hungover!
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