he puts the penis in happiness.
i just threw up ON my final. epic way to end the semester.
the snow is so cold on my vagina.
why do you have snow on your vagina?
vodka and heels.
Its like everytime i see you, my vagina gets a heartbeat.
Walked into the bar with my burrito and ordered a round of shots for everyone. Not sure if I want to look at the credit card statement.
Her little brother walked in right as I was finishing and was like "uhhh hey there's a lunar eclipse outside"
I'm not sending you pictures to jack off to. That's not what friends do
one renamed every person in my phone 'I lpvw tewqils', so it would really help me out if you could text me your name. Happy sunday!
Chose not to courtesy flush and the CEO huffed the result. I feel powerful.
Can we relax the "married man" rule just once?
I'm sorry I've been mean recently but tbh it really turns me on seeing you cry so it might happen a lot..... You're a pretty crier I don't get it
So much for no-infidelity-fridays....
Sometimes I just take my boobs out of my shirt so they can get some fresh air
spent the night holding naked strippers up for keg stands and doing endless amounts of body shots. good game 8am final exam.
whats an extra semester when you've already been in college for 6 years?
She’s 47 and wants me to fuck her on her mom’s hospital bed
Randomize
