I didn't know that people actually queef. Is this a real thing?
I believe so, yes.
Would you be offended if I asked if it has happened to you?
just got 3 freshman girls to makeout with each other at a toga party! score!
why is this not a picture message?!?!
i woke up, turned over, and noticed an assortment of knives stuck in my wall. i should prob stop drinking
when she started singing "you look better when im drunk" to my cat i realized it was time to take her home
The polaroid of me taking a test-tube of Jegar out of the gay guys mouth pretty much explains my trip to Spain.
I've never been so embarrassed. It's like waking up as Fred Durst.
There is a mobile STD testing unit set up at my place of employment. In the lunchroom. I may need to reevaluate my career choices. And my lunch plans.
We were sitting in a hot tub debating how drunk we could get by osmosis if we kept spilling our drinks in it. This is what engineering college does to you.
Balls deep in an Orange is the New Black marathon. Bring food and drugs.
Thanks for takin my cousin out last night, sorry I passed out so early
You kidding, the kids a legend. He literally killed a bottle of Jamison, made out with a girl AND her Mom at the bar, stole us slices of pizza and told the cab driver where to go in Spanish. He doesn't even live in the area. Can we keep him?
You literally spelled every word wrong or with numbers except for "drunk", which you used all caps for.
I felt the need to accentuate it....
He was only in jail for 4 hours before he was someone's prison wife
Your drunk naked friend is roaming the living room. Started roaming my room. Please come retrieve him
Remember when we tried to have fun last time..? I got put in a choke hold and you woke up in some ones car.
Vocabulary what?!? Shakespeare is my bitch.
Randomize
