you're out of your mind
you look like daphne blake and he looks like fozzie bear
it's like he rubbed a lamp and wished you into existence
She told me she needed to clarify that we are not fuck buddies, we are best friends that have sex once in a while
I can neither confirm or deny any bear related allegations right at this time.
she was rubbing her elbow against the fish tank and laughing hysterically then she said I'M THEIR FISHY GOD and watched harry potter
i wasn't gonna shower then i remembered i slept in my own piss
dude he passed out in the strip club on his birthday, WHILE he was getting a lap dance. That drunk.
We're walking, taxis are a waste of money that can be spent on alcohol.
Is it bad i hate my job so much I'm actively trying to get fired tonight by drinking all the booze we have so I don't have to show up for my double tomorrow. Four mango vodkas later I have decided I'm a better server drunk.
Having sex with my girlfriend wearing my old Tom Brady jersey on the day he's freed is the closest I'll come to a 3way with Tom
Masterbating to Tolstoy. You?
you are the root of all my greats nights and my worsts decisions
Drank vodka clubs for 6 hours last night. Holy shit just realized that.
I'm glad you threw up in my bed because now we talk.
Just told my mom life fisted my asshole. She looked at me with complete understanding. I'm scared...
I've started recycling nudes. Why should I take new pictures for every single man?
Randomize
