I just had sex in the back of an ambulance. Call me.
Hey. Did u tell any1 that I use Nuvaring?
Cuz 1 of ur bf's frat bros just asked me if I wanted to "play ring toss later"
Turns out shot glasses hold the perfect serving of sour patch kids....I still fail to see how not having any real glasses is an issue
Oh god I think I promised some guy from high school that I'd be his fuck buddy in like 3 months
As we were fooling around he told me he was conceived on this bed like it would turn me on.
Apparently we both projectiled on Erin at the same time.
That's some true roommate bonding right there.
When I eventually hook up with a resident lets refer to it as taking a hands on approach to my job
So Monday we're lesbians.
Deal. This decision is final and any rebates on this will result in losing an eyeball.
I think i was just meant to be a stripper. A ballerina stripper cat
Found my id. It was in the cats litter box. Seriously what was last night.
cops woke me up on the sidewalk and asked where my shoes are.. fuck if i know, im sleeping on the sidewalk! actually i didnt say that, i just cried until they gave me a ride home.
Some girl came up to us crying that she lost her phone and you said "if it's meant to be, let it be"
the girl whose rug I peed on is here
I know you're having some issues right now but can we focus on the gangbang?
Aww you are cute. With your penis. And failures.
Randomize
