My nipple is on Facebook.
just realized the sink is the perfect height to piss into never cleaning the toilet again
Can you please check on Jay? He just called and left a Backstreet Boys song on my voicemail. Either it's 1998, or someone needs to go back to rehab.
Can you get arrested or in trouble for punching a dead relative in a casket?
my bedside table was not meant to hold this many beer bottles.
Just because you were able to pour the entire bottle of wine into 2 glasses does not mean you took it easy last night.
In case you were wondering, transporting lube in a ziploc bag is just as bad of an idea as it sounds.
hungover and i feel like a burrito
like eating one or like you are one?
like i am one.
we're like Indians of the 21st century. trading not for food and survival but personal gain and by trouble you mean getting daytime drunk and going to the roller ring then yes.
I think my vagina is phsycic. All day it tingled and then BAM Channing Tatums look alike fucks me like ive never been fucked in my life.
U know when u get really drunk and u don't think anyone can see what your doing? If I'm that drunk the possibilities are endless
I want to get back to junior year skinny- without all the drugs.
Saved a second guy who was crying/on the verge of wigging out. Just call me the drug whisperer.
I felt kinda awkward walking into his house in nothing but lingerie and my dead grandmas overcoat
What do you mean you haven’t had the fantasy of getting anally penetrated by a tentacle monster?
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