Not a fireman, but good enough for last night.
got some bad news about ur virginity. she didnt make it thru the night
one more question, do you know why i woke up with 5 pounds of quarters, nickels and dimes in my pocket?
So I'm on the can right now reading a court transcript for an appeal. Some dude is paying $155 an hour for me to take a shit.
when i was alone, his dick was there for me...
you can't just make up for the fact that you broke up with me by tagging yourelf in my embarrassing facebook videos of you
You three are like the Bermuda Triangle for morals.
Im currently watching two girls making out. In the library. Hope your studying is going as good as mine is. Haha
I got so drunk last night that I drunk texted myself. "hand jobs are the currency of the future"
i just googled coccaine effects on sexual performance..maybe im dating the wrong guy
Let's stay in this weekend and play drinking games to the Winter Olympics.
As long as we can drink anytime we see a stray dog, mafia looking Russian or double toilet.
Come on kid, foreplay is elementary stuff. It's a vagina, not a sphinx.
I just sneeze out a chunk of leftover pickle I threw up last night. dont you try and tell me your day is going worse
I cried while dry heaving in the back of the car to the New York song with jay z in it. I was singing it inbetween gags.
My aunt asked how many piercings I had and my mom said seven and I said nine and that's how my family found out I had my nipples pierced.
Randomize
