let's makeout let's makeout let's make out let's make out
I brought my laptop into the bathroom so I can facebook while vomiting. New low?
My vagina hasn't been this smooth since I was 8. I better get laid tonight.
Just wana tell you im wearing assless jorts tonight. Ive been waiting my whole life for this.
You missed practice last night. You owe at least 8 hours of liver sprints.
She was shaking her boobs and I was so high all I could think was "breast maracas"
Just watched a drunk girl hand her valet ticket to a cop and walk away.
Anxiously awaiting my period drinking Hershey's syrup from the bottle. Don't judge me
Just killed a snake in my bed! And by killed I mean hit repeatedly with my fist. And by snake I mean a lump in the covers. And I pissed my pants.
Her hotness level dropped from an 8 to a 2 as soon as I walked into her place. It REEKED of cat piss and there was no litter box and NO CATS.
I just found a reminder in my phone to ask you about your sex life in 7 years. So how is that going?
Well he had a nice beard and it smelled good so there was no way I wasn’t going home with him.
I don’t have the time, patience, or blood alcohol level to deal with her.
What’s the level of adulting when you reschedule a dentist appointment to have a threesome?
last final went out with a bang.. 20 min late bra-less, cum in my hair and i still cant find my shoes.
Randomize
