whats a more ladylike way to say "fuck me on your lunch break"?
I feel like I have streams of color and coldness wrapping around my body.
do you remember the combo for the lock to my pants?
So this guy is eyeing me from across the bar. Either the girl I hit on next to him is his girlfriend or he's her gay best friend. I should show him my Penis and find out.
Dude. Do it.
Definitely her date. But she saw it too. So now he used to be her date. Why can't this stuff Happen when I'm sober?
That last minute feeling of hesitation on whether I should bring my health card to the bar usually means I'm in for a good night.
Im coming down to miami this weekend
We shall drink from the everclear river
This Halloween will be different. I'm just here to get shitfaced, not troll around looking for slutty nun pussy.
Shame?!? Shame only comes from getting naked in front of strangers and it not being awesome
well what the fuck is the POINT of teetotal mardi gras
Well that's what you get for messing around with her vagina. I told you it was a fickle and insatiable creature.
He and I are in a competition of who can sleep with the most people at work. We're tied at two. I could win this if they'd stop hiring damn straight girls.
Just walked past the field playing Jesus music with a fanny pack full of condoms and beer. Happy Sunday.
one nice thing about being home: no walks of shame, just drives of shame
Dude. That's like masturbating until the point that you're going to climax, then stopping, waiting for a few seconds and then starting all over. While that does lead to an altogether more powerful orgasm, it's still annoying as hell until you get there.
I was not expecting that analogy.
No one ever expects that analogy.
He was someone so memorable that I'd completely forgotten he'd existed up to and during the encounter
Randomize
